REVIEW - BREATHE IN

I have a natural aversion to films like Breathe In. No matter how well crafted they are, no matter how emotionally astute, I hate them. All of them. Everything about them. I hate the mellow tones of the cinematography. I hate the gentle lull of the conservative classical soundtrack. I hate the trite, melodramatic plot twists. I hate the middle-class protagonists and their middle-class concerns. Not another fucking musician, wallowing in his mid-40s ennui at the shit state of his life: the pleasant countryside house, the loving family, the steady job - he wanted adventure and excitement with his crap band in the big city! Do I give a shit? A sexy exchange student from the UK comes to stay, and they begin an affair because they're bound by the soap opera logic that wrenches this film through its every last breath. She could have been a Poison Ivy type, as she appears to win the favours of her roommate's boyfriend, but she ends up resisting the young buck as she only has eyes for daddy in his daddy shirts with his daddy facial hair and his pleasant countryside house and his steady job. A brush of their hands, a glance, the sexual tension ought to be heady as hell, if only Drake Doremus could bring himself to consider it in his sterilised film, all polished up for pride of place on the fucking coffee table. He's a sub for the NYNSO, sitting in the front desk of the cellos. Then he's their featured soloist. His eyes meet hers during a concert. Don't make me laugh (the film doesn't). Amy Ryan plays wife (I think that was her name). The problem with casting Ryan in your film is that she tends to out-act everyone else, so Doremus does the best he can to shave off whatever features of interest there might ever have been in her role (were there ever any?). I've never seen such a convincing job of making an actor look like they're playing a musical instrument for real here as Guy Pearce, but the seams do show nonetheless. It got me thinking: why Pearce? Why not an actor who can actually play the cello? What does Pearce bring to the film? He's no box office superstar, no critical darling. Or was the chance to cast Mike from Neighbours in the lead role just too good an opportunity to pass up? Maybe it's actually because he's Breathe In's perfect lead - bland, pale, forgettable, would look great on a fucking coffee table.