Tuesday, 29 November 2016


I defy anyone who can browse through the nominations for the 2016 Satellite Awards, either at a glance or in immense depth, and find any structure to the ordering of their lists that doesn't immediately imply 'ranked order.' No rly, these are in order of preference. It's hilarious. They're not the only 'critics' group to make this mistake, but since their taste in film is already fairly atrocious, it's reasonable to expect their grasp of formatting to match it. These guys are so on the ball that their awards ceremony, scheduled for February, doesn't even have a confirmed date yet. Just February. This is classic, truly classic.

Best Motion Picture
La La Land
Manchester by the Sea
Hacksaw Ridge
Hell or High Water
Nocturnal Animals
Captain Fantastic
Hidden Figures

Best Director
Barry Jenkins (Moonlight)
Kenneth Lonergan (Manchester by the Sea)
Mel Gibson (Hacksaw Ridge)
Damien Chazelle (La La Land)
Tom Ford (Nocturnal Animals)
Pablo Larrain (Jackie)
Denzel Washington (Fences)

Best Actress
Annette Bening (20th Century Women)
Emma Stone (La La Land)
Natalie Portman (Jackie)
Ruth Negga (Loving)
Taraji P. Henson (Hidden Figures)
Meryl Streep (Florence Foster Jenkins)
Isabelle Huppert (Elle)
Amy Adams (Nocturnal Animals)

Best Actor
Casey Affleck (Manchester by the Sea)
Ryan Gosling (La La Land)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Snowden)
Viggo Mortensen (Captain Fantastic)
Joel Edgerton (Loving)
Andrew Garfield (Hacksaw Ridge)
Tom Hanks (Sully)
Denzel Washington (Fences)

Best Actress in a Supporting Role
Helen Mirren (Eye in the Sky)
Michelle Williams (Manchester by the Sea)
Nicole Kidman (Lion)
Octavia Spencer (Hidden Figures)
Naomie Harris (Moonlight)
Viola Davis (Fences)

Best Actor in a Supporting Role
Jeff Bridges (Hell or High Water)
Mahershala Ali (Moonlight)
Dev Patel (Lion)
Lucas Hedges (Manchester by the Sea)
Eddie Murphy (Mr. Church)
Hugh Grant (Florence Foster Jenkins)

Best Screenplay, Original
Barry Jenkins (Moonlight)
Damien Chazelle (La La Land)
Kenneth Lonergan (Manchester by the Sea)
Taylor Sheridan (Hell or High Water)
Matt Ross (Captain Fantastic)
Efthymis Filippou and Yorgos Lanthimos (The Lobster)

Best Screenplay, Adapted
Andrew Knight and Robert Schenkkan (Hacksaw Ridge)
Luke Davies (Lion)
Kieran Fitzgerald and Oliver Stone (Snowden)
Justin Marks (The Jungle Book)
Allison Schroeder (Hidden Figures)
Todd Komarnicki (Sully)

Best Cinematography
John Toll (Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk)
Linus Sandgren (La La Land)
James Laxton (Moonlight)
Simon Duggan (Hacksaw Ridge)
Jani-Petteri Passi (The Happiest Day in the Life of Olli Maki)
Bill Pope (The Jungle Book)

Best Film Editing
Tom Cross (La La Land)
Joi McMillon and Nat Sanders (Moonlight)
Tim Squyres (Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk)
Alexandre de Francheschi (Lion)
John Gilbert (Hacksaw Ridge)
Steven Rosenblum (The Birth of a Nation)

Best Art Direction and Production Design
David Wasco (La La Land)
Barry Robinson (Hacksaw Ridge)
Jean Rabasse (Jackie)
Christophe Glass (The Jungle Book)
Gary Freeman (Allied)
Dan Hennah (Alice Through the Looking Glass)

Best Costume Design
Colleen Atwood (Alice Through the Looking Glass)
Eimer ni Mhaoldomhnaigh (Love & Friendship)
Courtney Hoffman (Captain Fantastic)
Madeline Fontaine (Jackie)
Mary Zophres (La La Land)
Alexandra Byrne (Doctor Strange)

Best Sound (Editing and Mixing)
La La Land
Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk
Hacksaw Ridge
The Jungle Book
13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi

Best Visual Effects
The Jungle Book
Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk
Doctor Strange

Best Original Score
Rupert Gregson-Williams (Hacksaw Ridge)
Justin Hurwitz (La La Land)
Lesley Barber (Manchester by the Sea)
John Williams (The BFG)
John Debney (The Jungle Book)
Hans Zimmer (Hidden Figures)

Best Original Song
'Audition (The Fools Who Dream)' (La La Land)
'City of Stars' (La La Land)
'Dancing with Your Shadow' (Po)
'Can't Stop the Feeling' (Trolls)
'I'm Still Here' (Miss Sharon Jones!)
'Runnin'' (Hidden Figures)

Best Ensemble
Hidden Figures

Best Motion Picture, Animated or Mixed Media
Kubo and the Two Strings
Finding Dory
My Life as a Courgette
The Jungle Book
The Red Turtle
Miss Hokusai
Your Name.

Best Motion Picture, Documentary
Life, Animated
O.J.: Made in America
The Ivory Game
The Eagle Huntress
Fire at Sea
Zero Days
The Beatles: Eight Days a Week - The Touring Years

Best Motion Picture, International Film
The Happiest Day in the Life of Olli Maki
Toni Erdmann
A Man Called Ove
The Salesman
The Ardennes
Ma' Rosa
The Handmaiden

Best First Feature
Russudan Glurjidze (House of Others)

Auteur Award
Tom Ford

Humanitarian Award
Patrick Stewart

Mary Pickford Award
Edward James Olmos

Tesla Award
John Toll