REVIEW - THE LONE RANGER

The Lone Ranger, aka Pirates of the Caribbean and the Curse of the Misplaced Ambition. You needn't even glimpse at the marketing for this monstrous cacophony of nonsense and noise to gleam that it is the most desperate cash-in at capitalising on another film's success without actually being directly linked to that film, narratively at least. This film is pitilessly devoid of character, of purpose, it's so wrapped up in fulfilling everything that the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise (or just the first film in the franchise) is remembered for, only in the Wild West. As such, it invites frequent comparison to the 2003 film that made Johnny Depp and Gore Verbinski household names, and none of those fall in The Lone Ranger's favour. Its most nagging issue is its blandness - from the overlit cinematography to the identikit plot to the infernal tedium as every individual element in this supposed origin story is fleshed out in full. It's a long film (thankfully, Verbinski seems to have designated nap-spots for the less patient viewer), and full of air! Cold air! Not bloated, just empty! And in slavishly adhering to the Pirates blueprint, it neglects to provide its principal players well-developed personalities: Ruth Wilson is just a second-rate Keira Knightley here, Tom Wilkinson a second-rate Geoffrey Rush here, Armie Hammer... well, Orlando Bloom's a third-rate Armie Hammer, but even Armie Hammer is a second-rate Armie Hammer here. And Johnny Depp is a tenth-rate Johnny Depp, putting his usual shtick to its most tired usage to date. As blah sequence follows blah sequence, it's a blessed relief when Verbinski pulls out all the stops and lets loose in the climactic double-train-top battle, scored to Hans Zimmer's adaptation of the William Tell Overture - silly, spirited and liberal on the slapstick, it's the closest this misfire comes to being a good film. But then, through it all, there's Helena Bonham Carter. Three short appearances, granted - you forget she's in the film - and she's phoning it in, for sure, but her Red Harrington is the coolest thing about this lukewarm turkey.