2013: BEST SEX - I WANT YOUR LOVE

1. I WANT YOUR LOVE

None of the sex in Travis Mathews' better of two films this year was even half as sexy as that in the short film of the same name that inspired this full-length feature. But it was still so fucking sexy it had to top my list of the best movie sex of the year. Hard to pick a particular scene, since there are so many! It undoubtedly benefits from being non-simulated intercourse, and from Mathews' sensitive, sexually-aware direction. This is one of four films on this list which makes it due to gay sex, which says as much about the film industry as it does about me lol.

2. THE ABCS OF DEATH

It's baaack! I still totally can't get over Helene Cattet and Bruno Forzani's 'O is for Orgasm' short from the horror anthology film The ABCs of Death. Taking a typically sexual approach to their scene, this heavily-stylised, brilliantly-lit, foley-addled, leather and latex fever dream of a sex scene is one of the most memorable movie moments of 2013, never mind sex scenes alone. And it's still the best thing the Belgian pair has ever produced on screen.

3. BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOUR

And this is the hottest lesbian sex put to film in 2013. Adele Exarchopoulos and Lea Seydoux first met on set the day of filming these now-infamous scenes, under the punishing but highly efficacious direction of Abdellatif Kechiche. With nothing but teeny little merkins to protect their modesty, the two submitted themselves to scenes so erotically-charged and so explicit that all modesty was eventually sacrificed. And all in the name of art. And that's how you create art, I guess. It certainly worked for them!

The rest of the Top 10 after the cut.

4. KISS OF THE DAMNED

Sex between Milo Ventimiglia and a vampiric Josephine de la Baume was gonna land on this list no matter what. But this early scene in Xan Cassavetes' underrated directorial debut was a serious contender for the top spot of the best sex scene of the year. I don't even need to explain why. You've got the picture.

5. EASTERN BOYS

Tender sexual scenes in Robin Campillo's surprising and sensitive drama / thriller, which I saw last year at LFF, are among its many and varied qualities. Olivier Rabourdin and Kirill Emelyanov display such emotional openness in Campillo's depiction of the needs that drive us all, and it makes the sex between them among the most touching of the year on film.

6. VANISHING WAVES

I was blown away by Kristina Buozyte's Vanishing Waves when I saw it early last year. And part of the reason for that was the intensity of the sex, literally cerebral, and preceded by an unexpected but beautifully choreographed modern dance sequence. In the nude. It's as artsy as it comes, and far better than it sounds.

7. STRANGER BY THE LAKE

A film about lots of naked men having sex on a beach was kind of guaranteed to impress me. It impressed quite a lot of others, actually, so stfu. And the sheer amount of sex and nudity secured it a position on this list. The kiiiind-of-obvious disparity between the staged sexual activity between the principal actors and the occasional image of porn doubles lands it slightly further down the list than one might have expected.

8. CLIP

Placing on the list not because the sex scenes are actually enjoyable to watch, but they're certainly among the best of the year in terms of realism, and the fact that they were so convincingly shot using prosthetics alone warrants them a position here. This is what teenage sex is like, btw. Don't even mention Endless Love.

9. HER

Indeed. The least visually-stimulating sex of the year. As it should be, since it's between a human being and, um... a voice. There's also the dead cat scene. I like to think that's the reason this film's been winning so many screenplay awards.

10. AFTERNOON DELIGHT

Probably not the discomforting finger-sucking scene, which so disgusted the MPAA that they demanded cuts to it in order for Jill Soloway to bring her film back, as agreed, with an R rating. This'll be the ecstatic eyes-open orgasm at the end of Afternoon Delight, in which Kathryn Hahn and Josh Radnor finally get the satisfaction they've sought for so long.